By Melodie Veldhuizen
Every mother strives toward being the perfect mom for her kids. But the second you hold that crying bundle in your arms, you realise that it will require hard work to fulfil this dream. As time passes and the challenges of motherhood increase all the more, you also realise that you will never reach this self-imposed aim of being the perfect mother.
Perfect means to be so in all aspects, with no room for growth or development. You strive toward perfectionism can convey the message to your children that anything less than perfect indicates failure. Instead, try to be a good mother – the best you can be, with the gifts, talents, physical and emotional capabilities and material means you have been blessed with.
What does a good mother look like?
- She takes care of herself in body, soul and spirit, loves herself and accepts herself unconditionally.
- She accepts that motherhood is a lifelong commitment to the cherishing, education, guidance, love and support of her children.
- She sometimes grants herself time to recharge – without the children.
- She is a role-model for her children in all aspects.
- She strives toward being the best mom she can be. She makes mistakes, acknowledges them, tries again and accepts that her best is good enough, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
- She doesn’t compare herself to other moms. Just as every child is unique, so every mom’s parenting style is unique.
- She is available when her children need her, but also gives them attention even before they ask for it.
- She offers them spiritual guidance and prays for them every day.
- She provides opportunities for them to be creative according to their respective ages, abilities and interests.
- She doesn’t compare her children with each other or with other children and loves and cherishes them as unique individuals.
- She encourages them to live life to the full.
- She helps them build a healthy self-image.
- She leaves room for them to make mistakes and learn from them.
- She teaches them to love themselves and others unconditionally.
- She apologises when she has hurts her children consciously or unconsciously.
- She forgives them when they disappoint or hurt her.
- She doesn’t take her children’s poor behaviour personally – it doesn’t mean she is a bad mother.
- She protects them without being overprotective.
- She admits when she is upset, without overwhelming them with her emotions. She assures them that they are not the reason for her being upset (if that is the case).
- With the right guidance, love, support exposure and encouragement she allows them to be themselves.
- She focuses on the apparent insignificant things. Her children might forget about the large gifts she bought them, but precious memories of fun times with them will always stay engraved on their minds. Attending a school function is much more important than a squeaky-clean home.
- She listens to what they say with words, but also with their conduct and body language. She listens to her children with an open mind, even if she doesn’t always agree with them.
- She spends quality time with them (sometime also with each child on his/her own), amidst her busy schedule.
- She sets reasonable expectations and doesn’t demand that they achieve or perform tasks that are above their abilities.
- She disciplines fairly.
- She respects her children, just as she expects of them to respect her.
- She supports them and loves them unconditionally.
- She is patient when they challenge her authority and also when they learn new skills.
Sources:
Everything Mom. https://www.everythingmom.com/parenting/10-tips-on-being-a-good-mother
Focus on the Family. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/a-wife-and-mothers-role/
Mummy It’s OK. https://mummyitsok.com/blog/what-are-the-qualities-of-a-good-mother/
https://www.everythingmom.com/parenting/10-tips-on-being-a-good-motherPostpartum Progress. https://postpartumprogress.com/8-ways-to-be-a-good-mother-instead-of-a-perfect-one
Foto krediet: Gustavo Fring | Pexels