By Wilma Bedford
Loneliness does not only hit singles; a person can also experience loneliness within a relationship or marriage. Where it occurs within a relationship, it can be dangerous should the source of the loneliness not be addressed timeously.
The feeling of loneliness occurs when one or both parties feel that the mutual bond they once had has faded, the glow has dimmed and the dynamics within the relationship have changed. They feel lonely because they no longer have time for one another due to family and work commitments and unresolved disputes that have accumulated, and because communication with one another has become transactional.
However, the biggest cause might lie in your thinking and perception that your partner is responsible for meeting all your needs; you blame your partner for your loneliness. Your thinking pattern also determines your emotions. Is you base your perception about what a relationship should look like on media portrayals, you will feel lonely and believe you are lonely. If you compare your relationship with those of others, you will create distance between you and your partner. Ask yourself if your thinking is true; will things change if X happens?
How do you determine if your loneliness truly lies in the relationship or with you? Discuss it with your partner. If your partner can put forward concrete examples where he/she tries to make you happy or fulfil you emotionally and you still feel lonely, the fault may lie with you.
Also look at previous relationships; did you feel lonely there as well? Is there a loneliness pattern? Were there times when you felt more connected and fulfilled with your partner? Does your feeling of loneliness generally occur more often when you are with your partner?
The solution to the problem does not lie in surrounding yourself with people. If you are sure the problem lies in the relationship itself, you will have to talk to your partner in a non-accusing, non-judgemental way. Start your discussion with “I” instead of “you”, for example: “I want to entrust you with my innermost feelings.” Listen to you partner’s point of view and try to determine what is broken in your relationship. Talk to your partner openly about how you feel, what makes you happy and what not.
Determine what is NOT happening in your relationship that causes distance and loneliness, and determine what DOES happen that leads to the state of affairs. You might for example feel your partner no longer cares, is less dedicated, does not show appreciation, does not pay you attention and your communication is transactional.
If the problem lies within the relationship, then break the cycle of separation by spending more time together, for example, preparing meals together, going for walks or watching a video or TV. Take the initiative to tackle a mutual project, for example, downloading a holiday photo-album onto your computer, or painting a room. Show appreciation for what your partner does. Display physical intimacy with a touch, a hug or a kiss. Switch off cell phones and computers for a specific time each day and hang out with your partner.
If it evident that your loneliness is not the result of depressive or chronic loneliness, it is clear that the relationship is not working for either of you and that you will have to call in professional help to get the relationship back on track.
Feeling Lonely in a Relationship?
Althea Luna. https://www.lonerwolf.com
Feeling Lonely in a relationship
Candiced Jalilili March 19 2019 Time. http://www.time.com