Identify exactly what you are angry about and decide why you are angry; in this way you can choose how you are going to express your anger. Was property physically damaged, was your integrity doubted, were you offended, were rules broken that you jointly agreed upon, was a confidence broken? Is it about principles or personalities?
Are you partly to blame for the unhappiness? Put yourself in the shoes of your loved ones and try to understand the matter from their perspective.
The relationship must still be a priority, especially if it is family members, because you still have to live under the same roof.
Have the talk in a private space, never in public or in front of children or outsiders.
Focus on the present. Leave old grievances out of the current conversation and do not generalise. Make sure that your loved one clearly understands what the unhappiness is about and stick to one subject.
Carefully select your fight; is it worth its while to fight about this? What damage will it do my relationship, and is it necessary for me to win this fight?
Do not point a finger, rather start the conversation with: “I feel XZ about the matter, could we talk about it later?” By giving a prior indication of what you want to talk about and when you give the other party an opportunity to think about the matter beforehand.
Be prepared to apologise and give your loved one an opportunity to think and also apologise.
Be prepared to forgive.
If matters are on the point of getting out of control, remove yourself from the situation. For instance, ask for time to make coffee in order to calm down and then discuss the matter further.
Avoid sarcasm and crude language. Listen actively to your loved one and do not interrupt.
Stay calm and courteous.
Know when to stop fighting and come to an agreement or an understanding.
Do something together to restore normality; go for a walk or help to wash the car or take your loved one for a milkshake. Take care not to open up the fight again.
13 Crucial Rules for Fighting Fair in Marriage
Danshaw, Daniel. How to Help Couples. June 27, 2018 Couples Therapy Inc.