By Emsie Martin
What do you as a parent do if your child’s choice of friends or even a life partner does not meet your approval? How do you handle this difficult situation?
Sometimes the reasons why you don’t like your child’s friend are valid and these could include the following:
- A lack of moral values.
- The person does not respect your child.
- A lack of stability.
- A tendency to act irresponsibly.
- A model appearance and this is not as important as a good character.
- Lacking a sense of humour, as humour can carry one through the darkest of times.
- Signs of violent conduct and anger outbursts.
- Jealousy or possessiveness when your child spends time with old friends and family. Such a person can undermine your child’s self-image and independence. Healthy relationships are based on trust and transparency and jealousy is not a good sign.
- Someone who wants to change who your child is, or what he/she believes in.
- The person clings to your child like a parasite and leaves him or her no space.
Factors that aren’t that serious:
- Does he/she have a real job?
- Was the person married before?
- Is there a child/are there children from a previous marriage?
- Is the family not wealthy enough?
What you can do
If you are truly concerned about your child’s choice you could share your concern with him or her. You have to remember you are only the catch net for your children; it is better to stay out of the friendship and maintain perspective. Don’t just criticise, but point out things in the relationship that worry you.
Remember, romantic love is stronger than loyalty towards parents.
Trust your child’s judgement after you have discussed this. Keep the communication channels between the two of you open.
Explain that you are concerned about the relationship and that sometimes it is best to cut someone out of your life. Your child might be staying in a friendship or relationship because he or she feels under obligation and is afraid of hurting someone.
Explain to your child that to have a good friend is one of the most wonderful gifts God can give you; that special someone who understands you, who you can talk to and share your life with.
Friends who can walk God’s road with you, will truly make you happy and the Lord will it use it in your life in a positive way.
If your child’s friend isn’t also a child of God, that friendship will not be fine! It will also not last!
If he or she makes your child happy, be grateful for that.
Ask your child to answer the following questions:
- Is the friendship or relationship built on the Rock of God’s Word?
- Do you truly have serenity about the relationship or are there any doubts in your heart?
- Can you worship the Lord together?
- Do you live in harmony or do you argue constantly?
- Are you grateful for the relationship, or do you harbour a heaviness of heart accompanied by uncertainty?
Now you can only trust that your child will use these direction indicators in future relationships.
Vrouekeur 11 Oktober 2019
Vrouekeur 5 April 2019
https://intiem.co.za/kies-jy-die-regte-huweliksmaat/ Article by Charles van Onselen