Dinsdag, Oktober 10th, 2017
Ronéll van Rooyen
Time, time, time. This is a word that is sung about, poems are written about and even the author of the Bible book Ecclesiastes said there is a time for everything on earth. Yet it sometimes feels as if there isn’t enough time for everything on this earth, and families should understand this the best of all.
THE LOVE LANGUAGE OF QUALITY TIME
To give someone quality time, is to give someone a piece of yourself. Quality time take TIME. A loving touch can last for a second, a constructive compliment can take a minute, but quality time can even take hours. The core of quality time is ‘togetherness’ to truly make contact. This does not necessarily mean hour-long discussions, but to make contact in such a way that the other person feels he/she is the focus of your attention.
QUALITY DISCUSSIONS – THE CORE OF QUALITY TIME
The first characteristic of a quality discussion, is that parents talk to their children instead of giving them a lecture. This should also apply to a marriage, in that parents discuss a problem or challenge, instead of giving the other one orders or attacking one another. Quality discussions differ from the other love language of constructive words, in that the latter focuses on what we say, while quality discussion focus on what we hear. There are a few characteristics of quality discussions, namely:
* Keep eye-contact with the speaker.
* Don’t do something else while listening.
* Listen for emotions that are being communicated.
* Observe body language.
* Don’t interrupt.
* Ask meaningful questions which reflect that you are listening.
* Nod in understanding.
* Ask permission to give your opinion without attacking or insulting the speaker. Start your sentences with “I feel/think … rather than “You …”. Replace words that shut down communication, such as “… because I say so …” with words of wisdom, such as “Let me tell you why I say so … “
PRACTICAL GAMES AT HOME
Make it a lifestyle to speak constructively and spend quality time, for example:
* Games always create quality time.
* Do something together that you as a family like, such as going for a walk along the beach.
* Find simple things to laugh about together and laugh about it together regularly.
* Enjoy weekends away and family holidays.
* Dine out together or have a picnic.
* Teach one another to change sentences to keep the communication channel open, such as awarding someone with a star every time he begins his sentence with I rather than YOU. Reward a specified number of stars with a chocolate.
Take time. Give your time. And make it an unforgettable time!! NOW IT’S YOUR TIME!!
Chapman, G. 2010. “The 5 Love languages of teenagers.”
Hudson, C. “Understanding teenagers.”
Lucado, M. 2012. “Wild Grace.”
Fay. J. & Cline, F. 2006. “Parenting teens with love and logic.”